i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
