I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
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90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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