i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
