she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
