it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
