Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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