JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
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Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
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Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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