Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
