decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize