you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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