I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
