those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
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