i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
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