I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
