Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
She's not a foreskin expert like you
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Randomize
