If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
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I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
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Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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