So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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