I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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