I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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