He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Randomize
