dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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