Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
