I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
