I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize