I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
