I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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