remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
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