Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
