So how did finding that girl you know on GGW go?
I was so pissed when it just previews her all covered up. It would have been easier to just have sex with her
Yeah but then you would have a case of genitals gone wild
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Randomize
