i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
