Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
