she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
