The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
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Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
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We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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