I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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