guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
