you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
