he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
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