So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
