:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Randomize
