she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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