Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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