can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Randomize
