Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
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