you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
