This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Don't EVER smell your tampon
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
