This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
