I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
