The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
