And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
