Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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