She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
