You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
You are the jesus of drinking
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
