Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
