Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
