shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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