I wish my penis had an off switch
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
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