those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
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do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
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I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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