he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
