that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
ok first of all what the fuck
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
