So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
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