I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
