how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
