now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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