On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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