I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize
